Gifted Students: Parents and the Schools
Parents Assume They Can Work with the Schools - Ha!
Once parents know that their children are intellectually advanced, they generally approach the school hoping that the instructional pace can be sped up or that the child can work at a higher level with others — either the same age or older — whose intellectual levels are similar. However, most schools — since the late 1970s — offer a list of reasons why they can’t or won’t do what the parents want. It is often difficult for the parents of highly intelligent children to believe that their children’s emotional and intellectual well-being is either misunderstood or relatively unimportant to the educational establishment. Parents’ initial faith in the ability — and desire — for the schools to help generally adds one to two years to the time period in which the child is in the wrong educational environment before the parents give up and decide to work outside of the system. [See Notes at the end for links to resources].
Although my writing only shows examples of families who wanted to make changes for their children, there are many parents of gifted children who do not advocate for educational modifications. In fact, their lack of advocacy sometimes undermines the efforts of others to obtain educational accommodations. There are a number of reasons why some parents simply accept how the schools are educating their advanced learners:
(1) their child does very well, and the entire family enjoys the child’s school excellence
(2) their child is compliant and doesn’t express any dissatisfaction
(3) the parents’ concern for their child fitting in and being cooperative outweighs their concern about his or her possible underachievement (in fact they might not even realize underachievement is happening)
(4) the parents are unaware that they could reasonably expect the child to learn more than the school is providing, and
(5) the parents tried to make changes but were persuaded by the school that no changes needed to be made
Despite the difficulties involved, it is usually best for families to try to work as much as possible with the school and to seek educational accommodations there. There are several reasons for this:
(1) it can minimize the disconnect between the child and “normal” life
(2) it supports our public, tax-supported educational system so that it remains available for everyone
(3) it spares the time and monetary expenses that will otherwise fall on the individual families.
Sunday night posts are an “extra benefit” for Paid Subscribers.
Everything that a gifted child needs is available somewhere in the typical school system. If a school can be flexible enough to allow a child to go to another teacher, building, or group of other learners who are ready to learn at his or her same level and pace, the child’s needs can be met. Unfortunately, the schools them- selves often make reaching these goals next to impossible.
Sometimes Parents Try to Be Helpful
Many gifted children’s parents volunteer at the school in the hopes that the school will see them as partners, not adversaries, and that their donated time will give the teachers more time for some individualized instruction. However, for some highly gifted children, no amount of individualization at grade level will help them feel at home in a same-age mixed-ability classroom.
It is worth mentioning that some states have statutory language defining a gifted child and then mandating that “a gifted child must be provided with curriculum that is commensurate with his or her ability and potential.” Parents who live in states with a strong legal directive can seek help through due process, mediation, or even the court system if the school is not willing to provide accommodations. The downside of this for parents is that the process can be lengthy, and the issues may not be resolved for several years [See notes]. Parents can contact their local state department of education to see whether a mandate exists and, if so, to request a copy.
What Parents Say About Their Exceptionally and Profoundly Gifted Levels For and Five Children’s Early School Experiences
Keith Sands — L4: I was very naïve in believing that once Keith started school, the school would take over. They were totally unprepared for him. I had to meet with his teacher and principal on a regular basis to develop strategies for him. Although he went to a weekly gifted pullout program, Keith primarily believed that school was for fun and games and to have a good time.
Ross Oliver — L5: Ross was allowed to skip from third to fifth grade, but the only modification he received to his programming there was intermittent EPGY algebra (free math instruction for qualifying students to meet once a week for radically accelerated instruction; no transportation provided). I’m a high school math teacher, so I was “allowed” to mentor him during my prep period. His teachers reported moderate to severe underachievement because he simply lost interest in school altogether. He was so out of place in his school due to his extremely high giftedness that even the special online courses left him feeling alone and frustrated.
Emily Newton — L4: I asked the district if we could personally hire a tutor to work with Emily at school, but they said no. We suggested that there might be a substitute teacher, approved by them, who could work with her, paid by either the district or by us, and they said no to that as well. Some of our relatives said that we should get a lawyer and push the district to supply an in-school tutor for her, as her educational needs were not being met.
Author note: This family knew a deaf child who had a full-time interpreter all day every day throughout his elementary school years. School systems are legally required to provide resources to help children with learning disabilities or handicaps, including paying for full-time aides to help students who are physically disabled so that they can be mainstreamed and benefit from the least restrictive environment. There is no similar Federal mandate for gifted learners, but some states have strong legal language in their education law for provisions for them.
Jacob Jones — L5: We attended meetings with Jacob’s teachers, but they were defensive in even considering ideas of how best to meet his needs. One teacher actually said, “Give me two weeks and I’ll make him into the student I want him to be.” During our first meeting with the principal and district gifted coordinator, they seemed to agree that he needed enrichment, but they were very hesitant about having him take high school courses. They felt that an 11-year-old would not fit in a classroom with high school students and wondered how it would affect him socially and emotionally — something we heard continually. They also worried about gaps in his curriculum if we started skipping. They thought that acceleration in math would be a good place to start and that his current seventh-grade teachers should be able to enrich his curriculum in the regular classroom. During all of this, Jacob grew more and more restless and discouraged, wondering if anything would ever get settled.
Author note: Jacob’s parents experienced a version of the “it’s your child’s attitude that’s the problem” refrain when the teacher said that she could “make him into the student” she wanted him to be. In school meetings with parents, it is not unusual to have at least one educator in attendance who speaks authoritatively about how something is wrong with the child’s behavior, attitude, maturity, or handwriting, and therefore it would be a mistake to make any changes. The issue of gaps in the child’s learning is also common, but Levels Two through Five gifted children can easily learn on their own when they detect a need to fill in information gaps.
Samantha Forrest — L4: We talked with the district gifted supervisor who said that because our school was so large, the gifted teacher didn’t have time to design individual learning programs for students who need them. We felt that partial home schooling would be excellent for Samantha, but convincing the district was like climbing Mt. Everest. We found no one else in the district who had a partially enrolled grade school child. The home school support group suggested that we simply tell the school we’d be pulling Samantha out a few mornings a week and then let them react, rather than asking permission.
Author note: The fact that Samantha was in such a large school system should have made it easier, not harder, to pull together a group of children similar to her.
Carol Johnston — L5: We found that administrators promised the world but wouldn’t follow through with adjustments to the curriculum. It was a constant battle to get Carol what she needed, and it was totally exhausting. We volunteered at the school as much as we could and initiated programs such as Junior Great Books — which helped all of the kids, not just the gifted — hoping that the school would realize that our intentions were good. The bottom line, however, was that we didn’t succeed.
All of the subjects in this post are white. I can’t even imagine how much harder it is for people of color, different races, or cultures, or how they must feel when they are treated this way. Rest assured, though, this is pretty much the way any parents of exceptionally and profoundly gifted children are treated. If you look back on my posts about the school outcomes of this group, you’ll see that almost all of the subjects had deeply unsatisfactory circumstances through 3rd grade. Things got better for some after that, but not for everyone.
Notes and References
[1] Twice Exceptional Students, gifted children who have some other issue that leads to them under-performing without extra help, often qualify for help with their exceptionality (like ADHD, or blindness, or anxiety, as examples) but that still doesn’t always work to get them help at their intellectual level. See:
https://www.davidsongifted.org/resource-library/gifted-resources-guides/
https://www.davidsongifted.org/
Additionally, almost every state has a gifted children state organization:
These independent organizations provide a vital connection to one another, and NAGC, as they work to advocate on behalf of gifted and talented children across the nation! A list of current affiliate organizations, as well as general information for state education agencies can be found below.
www.davidsongifted.org › gifted-organizations-listGifted Organizations List — Davidson Institute
Jan 21, 2022 · Here is a list of some of the gifted organizations and resource support options to know about if you’re just starting out. National Association of Gifted Children (NAGC) is dedicated to supporting “those who enhance the growth and development of gifted and talented children through education, advocacy, community building, and research.
gifted.uconn.edu › stategtU.S. State Gifted Associations | Renzulli Center for …
Regional Associations and Other Organizations for Gifted and Talented Learners, Their Parents, and Educators . National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC) 1707 L. Street, NW, Suite 550 Washington, DC 20036 Phone: (202) 785–4268 Website:
http://www.nagc.org
Do your own internet search for more ideas and resources that might fit you and your children.
Books on Giftedness by Deborah Ruf, PhD
5 Levels of Gifted: School Issues and Educational Options in 2009. This is the original 5 Levels of Gifted book for parents and educators. Moderately Gifted, Highly Gifted, Exceptionally Gifted, and Profoundly Gifted children are the subjects of this book (78 of them) and their early milestones, behaviors, and parent journeys through how to raise and educate these children is a must-read. Parents who read this book can estimate their own children’s eventual IQs surprisingly accurately by the time they are age three to about six years old, before it is effective — or reliable — to have them professionally tested.
Here are links to the 5 Levels of Gifted book on Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/5-levels-of-gifted-deborah-ruf/1126358834 and Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Levels-Gifted-School-Educational-Options/dp/0910707987 or directly from the publisher: https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p12/5_Levels_of_Gifted.html
Keys to Successfully Parenting the Gifted Child (2023). Need answers fast on what to do now? This is a short book — 80 pages including pictures — that is a great starter for parents just wanting some answers … fast! The content was originally from a PowerPoint I created for the parents of gifted children presentations around the country. The contents zero in on some of the most important things about raising gifted children that parents want to know. On Amazon, Keys to Successfully Parenting Gifted Children (2022, 2023) Print and ebook. The Nook version is also now on B&N.
The Five Levels of Gifted Children Grown Up: What They Tell Us (2023). This is a 20-year longitudinal study follow-up about the original gifted child subjects in 5 Levels of Gifted: School Issues and Educational Options (2005, 2009). In it, Dr. Ruf covers every conceivable topic to ask the 60 of the original study group of 78. She also shows readers how it is that people of the same original promise to succeed have vastly different outcomes. https://www.amazon.com/Levels-Gifted-Children-Grown-Up/dp/B0C9SHFRLH or https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-5-levels-of-gifted-children-grown-up-phd-deborah-l-ruf/1143719859?ean=9798988323709.
Losing Our Minds: Too Many Gifted Children Left Behind (Oct. 2024). This is the first book in a Trilogy meant especially for educators, parents, adult gifted, and therapists. Questions for discussion are at the end of every chapter. The book provides a detailed analysis of the different levels of giftedness, the concept of “good fit” in educational settings, and the impact of various school environments on gifted children. It also includes personal stories and experiences of gifted children and adults, highlighting the challenges they face in finding appropriate educational and social environments. Available now on both Amazon and B&N. It is not the old purple book from 2005. Also, the Kindle and Nook versions are formatted so readers can click back and forth easily and find their place again. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DL3BSC9X or this link: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/losing-our-minds-deborah-ruf/1146410968?ean=2940185888872
Environmental, Familial, and Personal Factors That Affect the Self-Actualization of Highly Gifted Adults: Case Studies (D. Ruf, 1998) doctoral dissertation. Free PDF https://dabrowskicenter.org/ruf
Dr. Ruf is available for consultations, guidance, virtual speaking, interviews and podcasts. Get more information or book through this link: